I spent most of my first year in law school feeling like a fraud. I’d written a moving, impassioned personal statement about imparting change upon a broken system to get into Schulich and, once here, proceeded to settle in and do absolutely nothing.
I watched encampments get evicted outside my window and read of bombs dropping on innocents across the ocean, I learned about property law and drowned in my own privilege. It was hypocritical really, to feel so self-pitying about a problem that I had created.
Time passes
The year slid past as all do: slowly at times, then suddenly all at once. I met new people, tried new things, worked harder than I ever had before in school. I spent my free time making memories with friends, reveling in time spent outside, and finding joy in simple, silly things. Most of all, I enjoyed being in the new environment. The thought of changing the world was a dream that languished silently under the surface of whatever I was doing: constantly there, but easy to ignore. I buried it, along with my discomfort, as best I could.
Interviews, old dreams, and new hopes
Entering my second year of law school, as I began interviewing for jobs, firms asked me who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. I dug my dream back out from underneath the piles of memories I’d made, now dusty from disuse, and studied it once more. I was hit with shame: how easy it had been to grow comfortable in my little life and ignore the once-glorious reason for wanting to get into law at all. As I spoke to firms about it, I still felt a bit like a fraud. But their answers gave me a bit of hope. Maybe there was still time for change to happen. Maybe it just looked a bit different than what I once thought it did.
A novel approach to changing the world
I’m sad to report that there hasn’t been any one magical moment of clarity that has catalysed the enactment of a grand, world-fixing change I’d once dreamt of. My change has been small, and every day. It has been small kindnesses imparted upon me (alongside some stern talking-to by my therapist) that have convinced me that for now, changing the world doesn’t have to be monumental: it can be a series of small acts every day. It is found in waking up each day trying to be a good person, and doing what I can with the tools that I have. It is not necessarily revolutionary, but it is nonetheless important.
If you, like me, also came to law school with grand dreams of changing the world, I’m here to tell you not to lose hope. Stay true to course, and believe that you can make the world a better place. Changing the world happens everywhere, all at once, and in actions of all sizes.
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